To go back

To see you again, to hold your hand

To walk with you through the corridors of time

To soothe your fear, to hear you speak

I long for it


But what a cruel pleasure it would be

to see you suffer, the remnants of you

left hanging – your illness taunting you

Dipping in and out of sanity


But to see you – even just so

And the chance to hold you, to say goodbye

Is one right we have been denied

There’s no pleasure in neglect

There’s no pleasure in their failure of care

Just enduring pain at how you were treated so


Coming up for air

Lost in the chaos of grief

No way out, no reprieve

Sucking you down – you hold your breath

Waiting to be free of this enduring tide

Of raw emotion, pain and fear

I come up for air but I am left behind

Life has moved on but cast me aside

The sea of grief has ebbed but the clouds have moved in

Closing down around me – so grey and so dim

I gasp and I choke – I stumble and falter

I claw and I fight to push myself out of the water

A glimmer of sun bursts through the clouds

and reminds me of the me that I left behind

A year and a month since you went away

I try to move forward but stumble and fall

I wish you were here to pull me free

To tell me what to do so I can see through the clouds


Losing my dad unexpectedly and suddenly in difficult circumstances has been heartbreaking and beyond pain. I set up this site for my sisters and I to unite in our grief through poetry and to help u…

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You come to me with your friendship

Stretched out in front on a plate

Well I nearly fell for it

But it’s way too little too late


Have you no idea, no respect for how I feel

Of all that you have taken?

Left with nothing – not knowing what to do

Because you are selfish? Greedy? No way of fighting

For what is right and true?


Yes, you are weak – well my ‘friend’ I am strong

I do not want your crumbs of self pity and destruction

I will find my own way but will stay true

To everything I value…

Yet with some ambiguity

That also includes you


Yes I am strong, but I also have a heart

So my fair-weather friend,


The anger will subside but will forgiveness come?

Can we mend the weakness that has driven us apart?



Today I am done, I am beaten, weary from the fight

Alone, isolated, ostracised for not yielding

But the fight lies dormant, waiting for strength

I have but a few hours to search deep within;

To rest, recover, before facing the enemy

Who overnight turned from friend to foe


Deep within I know it is there

The strength, the power to battle on

My memory of you makes me fight for fairness

The legacy you left me from the moment I was born

I will try not to disappoint you, to waiver from my mission

To stand up for fairness and stay true to me within


Wish me luck dad x


Backed into a corner, no way to fight

No way forward and no way out

Isolated, alone – no support in my plight


Something I’ve loved, taken just like that

No warning, no compassion, no regard


Bereavement comes in many guises

But this I didn’t foresee

The disregard for all I’ve done

For me, my loyalty